n Chapter
Seven, you’ll find a Help Chart illustrated with humorous
characters; there you can discover which relationship issue you’re
dealing with — and then find an effective way to approach that
issue. What makes all the difference is the mindset or thinking
you bring to the problem. For example, if the conflict is about control,
the chart will suggest an approach to that kind of conflict which is
likely to encourage cooperation and bring out the best — a mindset
that models respect for the child’s needs and for yours.
You’ll find no set solutions; your own style and judgment are
best. For each issue, the chart will show you the kind of thinking
that expresses mutual respect. In other words, it helps you avoid the
attitudes of the lower self (which can creep in when we don’t
realize it) and adopt the more effective mindset of the centered
self. Over time, if you model mutual respect consistently, you’ll
discover something wonderful: your children and teens will begin to
do the same.
The Five
Relationship Issues
AUTHORITY:
Who knows what’s best?
Who
is the expert? Whose information is accurate?
Who is most informed?
NEEDS:
Whose needs are met?
Do I meet my child’s needs or my own?
This theme may involve how we spend our time,
money and energy.
PERCEPTION:
Whose point of view is right?
Whose view of reality do we accept?
Whose thoughts and feelings do we believe and trust?
CONTROL:
Who should decide?
Who’s in charge? Who makes the final decision?
ACCEPTANCE: When do we show love?
How do we respond to our children when we’re
disappointed, pleased, frustrated or upset?
Coming Attractions
In the chapters ahead, you’ll acquire skills and
attitudes that enable you to create a family based on mutual respect.
And you’ll discover opportunities to grow. Here’s a quick
overview to show you how the Three-Step-Process is woven through the
book:
In
The Chapters Ahead
Chapter
2
A New Way of Seeing
The
heart of this book — a way of understanding
children that can transform families
STEP
ONE: Recognize The Lower Self
3
The
Awful Secret
Understanding
negative behavior — your child’s
and your own
STEP TWO: Cross The Bridge To The Centered Self
4
Exit
the Lower Self
Parents
and children can remain centered
more often
STEP THREE: Express The Centered Self
5
The
Golden Rule: Mutual Respect
6
When
Respect Is Missing: Ineffective Communication
7
How
To Gain Respect: Attitudes Make The Difference
8
Assertion:
Speak From Your Heart
9
More
Assertion: Setting Limits And Expressing Complaints
10
Still
More Assertion: Creating The Family You Want
11
The
Key To Knowing Your Child: The Art Of Listening
12
How
To Prevent Problems: The Skill Of Planning
13
You
Don’t Have To Be Perfect: How Families Make It
Work
The pages ahead offer
a journey of discovery and personal growth, for your children and for
you. Beginning something new requires courage and faith; hold onto them
both. Nothing is more rewarding than learning to bring out the best
— in your children and yourself.
n Chapter
Seven, you’ll find a Help Chart illustrated with humorous
characters; there you can discover which relationship issue you’re
dealing with — and then find an effective way to approach that
issue. What makes all the difference is the mindset or thinking
you bring to the problem. For example, if the conflict is about control,
the chart will suggest an approach to that kind of conflict which is
likely to encourage cooperation and bring out the best — a mindset
that models respect for the child’s needs and for yours.
You’ll find no set solutions; your own style and judgment are
best. For each issue, the chart will show you the kind of thinking
that expresses mutual respect. In other words, it helps you avoid the
attitudes of the lower self (which can creep in when we don’t
realize it) and adopt the more effective mindset of the centered
self. Over time, if you model mutual respect consistently, you’ll
discover something wonderful: your children and teens will begin to
do the same.